How to Talk to Animals

Trailer and launch in the same day?  This tutorial has a preface that provides some useful information I've gained in my collegiate education that provides a broader understanding of the subject of communication and language.  If you want more than the specific heuristics below, and want to understand how I've come up with them, check out that previous post.

Let's begin this monologue with an observation about myself:  I wouldn't say I have a personality that is instantly endearing to pets.  When a dog or cat comes up to sniff me for the first time, I could just be any human.  There is no instant connection, there's nothing special about my demeanor or identity that draws animals to me.

But in my experience, after I've spent time with animals, I form pretty strong friendships with them.  I consider pets to be family, and I would say that pets of mine have all grown to consider me either a friend or a "family" member of sorts.  People are impressed by how much pets like me.

I assure you that it is not a reflection of anything impressive about me.  I am not special.  I simply allow animals to interact with me on their terms.  I respect them, and I listen to them, and they ultimately appreciate that.  So, I'm well-liked by nonhumans who I've spent a lot of time with.  Especially if we're talking about cats.  Cats like me more than they like most people.  Dogs are naturally social with humans, but cats have to build those social bonds from scratch.

I believe I understand how to interact with animals.  I'd like to share specific heuristics for doing so, rules of thumb for what to do to understand your pet.  As subtle as it is, I think I've done enough introspection about it, and I have enough education in cognitive science that I think I can do a good job explaining this.

So, if you want to "talk to animals", then this is your guide from a first generation immigrant who's slowly picking up the language.  I'll discuss first how to listen appropriately, then how to convey what's on your mind.

Preface to "How to Talk to Animals"

My life mission is to find a way to use language to communicate with some species of nonhuman animals.  I specify "language" because language provides communicative power that is far beyond the type of communication with animals that can currently exist.  That is not, however, to say that we cannot communicate with animals.

I will write a blog entry about how to communicate with animals.  First, though, I'd like to give background that is helpful in putting that advice into perspective, and providing evidence that my what I have to say is right.  This post will be a preface to one subsequent that actually gives useful instructions.

The Fallacious Arguments of The Scientists (Animal Research)

The thing is, if your argument is fallacious, it is wrong.  Which is not to say that the fallaciousness of your argument makes your conclusion wrong, because that would be fallacious.

Many heuristics that we use in our everyday lives are fallacious.  If you intend to convince somebody, don't be fallacious.  Be logical.

Especially if you're a FUCKING SCIENTIST:

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WIRED: How do you square what you believe about animal consciousness with how they’re used in experiments?