Finding the Dynamo

I've played the Mass Effect trilogy three times now.  Each time, everything was more poignant and meaningful.  I got something new out of each run.  And each time that I returned to an emotional experience, it grew even more powerful.

This culminated so much that, in my final moment, after I made my last decision, I broke down.  I was consumed with tears.

It wasn't sad.  I did the right thing, and I accepted the sacrifice that I made to obtain the outcome that I thought was best.  I changed the galaxy in a huge way, but I don't believe that the gravity of my last action was nearly what got me so worked up.  It was something underneath the surface, something that I couldn't pinpoint that was assaulting me emotionally.

Observations of Music; Chaos

I have found the best music player ever.  Foobar2000 officially takes the cake.  It took some time to get used to, but it works so much more effectively than iTunes did in so many ways.  The way the lyrics plugin works, the easy renaming of metadata at the file level, the fact that opening new windows doesn't block out one another's functioning, the volume control, the cool minimalist design... lots of other little details that I really enjoy.  I'm happy iTunes botched everything up, because now I'm left with a much more effective piece of software.

I'm trying to understand what music is and what there is to get out of it.  When I'm in a live performance, I'm focusing all of my attention on the music and the thoughts that the music inspires.  I spend some of the time thinking about the technical aspects of the performance, some of the time trying to understand what the composer was trying to convey, and the rest coming up with ways in which the music is relevant to my personal perspective.  Maybe it's true that language communicates ideas and music communicates emotions.

Chaos is Life.  Really!  Life = Chaos.  I probably wouldn't have made such a stark realization without the mythos proposed by the Fabula Nova Crystalis, but now that I realize how important chaos is to our vivacity, I can appreciate the fact that there's now more chaos in my life than there was before spring break.  It is something that fuels creativity and spurs the mind in all directions.  It encourages nonlinear thinking and invention.  I thrive on it in my spare time, and keeping up with my responsibilities in the face of disarray keeps me energized.

For better or worse, swimming in chaos makes it harder to see what's missing.  If there are things in my life that I desperately need, I don't see them as readily when I don't have order and my mind isn't allowed to pace incessantly up and down the same deleterious paths as if it were having an emotional seizure.  I'm glad that I rid myself of that, but having order did allow me to accomplish more.  Perhaps I've sequestered myself from the brightness of a more structured lifestyle, one where I spend my time going to class and reading the textbooks, for the simple reason that I am frightened to see what is missing in my life--and what is wrong with the world around me.  I think that on some level I realize that I would best be served by striking a balance between Chaos and Order.  But I'm scared to return to Order, as Chaos provides me a shroud to hide what I don't want to look at.

Fez

oH.  mY gOD.  fEZ IS BEING RELEASED ON THE pc THROUGH sTEAM!!!!!!!!!!

You don't know how ÜBER EXCITED i AM RIGHT NOW.

But really, I'm prepurchasing that sick filth right now.