Saturday, July 27, 2013

Finding the Dynamo

I've played the Mass Effect trilogy three times now.  Each time, everything was more poignant and meaningful.  I got something new out of each run.  And each time that I returned to an emotional experience, it grew even more powerful.

This culminated so much that, in my final moment, after I made my last decision, I broke down.  I was consumed with tears.

It wasn't sad.  I did the right thing, and I accepted the sacrifice that I made to obtain the outcome that I thought was best.  I changed the galaxy in a huge way, but I don't believe that the gravity of my last action was nearly what got me so worked up.  It was something underneath the surface, something that I couldn't pinpoint that was assaulting me emotionally.

Sunday, July 14, 2013


What are my privileges and responsibilities as a person of German heritage who doesn't identify with any given race?  What do I have to do as a middle-class Caucasian man to be a moral participant of a cosmopolitan society where there is economic and social disparity between different demographics?  What is there for me to do so that I will not be guilty for the sins of people who share my skin color?  What is the attitude that I should take towards questions of race?

I just want to do what brings peace to the world.  And everybody is so angrily adamant about questions of race that I don't know how to approach the issue any more.  I try not to think about it, and to only do things that I know will bring into the world more justice, peace, prosperity, truth, and liberty.  But at the same time, I don't want to inadvertently wrong people because my inaction allows a broken system to continue subjugating people.

I don't understand how the abstract statements by social activists translate into an actual way of life, because those perspectives depend on a broken system to exist.  I haven't come across a worldview that gives me insight into how I should act - only insight into how I shouldn't act.  And those opinions are so diverse and contradictory, I can't find the positive space between all of the negative space.  I don't know what side of what line I should stand on.