Monday, November 17, 2014

Coffee Liqueur

I've frozen myself, my lesser parts
I remember years of being whole
An animal in a society

I've collared and perfumed myself now
There is a way to look, I do

Partitioned, a figure
The orators have perfected

Having established a character,
Honeys have drained
from geometry and frames

All I remember are the caves
of an ancestor
of my mission
-ary present,
Vacuous since they were flooded out--
Graves of a softer man's blood

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Re: Secret 1,062

I read an interesting post on RU Secrets about somebody struggling with their gender identity.  This was my response, before I realized it was too long to put on facebook:

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Talking makes me sad, and this might be why

Today it hit me like a brick, what might possibly be why I'm always so depressed by online discussions (whether they're actually charged or not).

I come from a youth of arguing online about topics that were really emotional for me.  In those arguments, I was often indignant and aggressive.  (It was justified, but that's not really important right now)

Now, my instinct in online ideological debates, my instinct is to be indignant and aggressive.  I temper that aggressive energy to come up with, uh, somewhat coherent sentences.

I had awful depression last year that SSRIs straight up cured.  So I know that I had a shortage of serotonin.  Higher levels of serotonin means you're happier, and it independently means you're less aggressive.  Less serotonin = more aggressive + less happy.

So serotonin limits aggression and causes happiness.  Happiness, like other emotions, is the feeling that you get as a consequence of having a certain chemical state - in this case, high levels of serotonin.  I had always assumed that aggressive behavior, then, would be the consequence of low levels of serotonin.

Well, today I had a depressive vibe wash over me, and I thought about what I was doing directly before I felt that way.