What I Need to Eliminate

What is worth noting today...

This is just random babble, so please ignore everything contained on this blog post.

I have a habit of getting caught up on things, and letting them fester in my head for a really long time.  I keep thinking about the same small selection of things in a tiny little cycle.  I guess I keep thinking about these things because it's important that I do something about those thoughts.  But then I end up with too little time set aside to do any of those things.

So where is the fluff?  Where is the time that I'm wasting?  What am I doing to take away my productivity, my efficiency, my happiness?

• Flipping through tabs on the Internet, not actually focusing on any one thing
• Empty socializing.  I love a good heart-to-heart, but I don't do that as much as I should
• Worrying about being single and alone
• Fearing my future
• Imagining the conversations I'll have with people, to arm myself against my inhibitory social anxiety
• Thinking about how to make the right impression on people in the various walks of life that I travel
• Slumping in depressive states

Sure, I know that people do these things pretty commonly, and this is basic.  But in relation to the amount of time that is totally in my possession, free time with which I can do anything, I actually waste long durations actively doing these things.

How can I eliminate these worrisome endeavors from my schedule and spend time doing things like:

• Reading for class
• Reading for fun
• Creating art
• Writing creatively
• Doing homework
• Getting Glee Club-related tasks done ahead of time

?

I don't exactly know.

These are probably questions I should work on one at a time.

One at a time.

~

That's probably a good place to start.  Focus on doing things one at a time.  Maybe if I can work up a rigorous enough planner, to-do list, get things off of my mind until I have to look at them.

For now, the problem is that I have various to-do-lists and don't look at each of them regularly.  I'll look at one on one day, then another the other day.  I don't have a habit of doing any particular set of things.  I just take each day as it comes.  I don't really have any framework that I can use for support.  Nothing to fall back on.  And with the frequency at which I fall into unhappy places, I really need supporting structures and people.

~

That brings me to another speculation I had today.  Is it that I fall into depressive states, directly, or perhaps that I fall into states of extreme emotional vulnerability that are wont to turn, straight away, into depressive states?  It's for questions like this that it would be nice to talk to some kind of therapist or professional, because I can cope with whatever hits me pretty well, but it might be easier and less of a bother if I had somebody to give me definitions that have been elucidated from decades of rigorous science.

Maybe I'm wary of approaching a professional mind-scientist because they might use statistics and prior experience to figure me out, whereas I know myself far better than anybody else, and I don't want to fall into the trap of trusting in the word of somebody who finds the easy, but incomplete, solution.