I wonder if anybody's ever been in the weird place I am. I frequently despair over things I can't control, and constantly regret the sacrifices I make over and over. There are lots of negative feelings in my life. But at the same time, I have the will, creativity, and self-awareness to bat those feelings away by inventing reasons, transiently adopting different perspectives, and finding pinpoints of beauty that, like stars surrounding the firmament, can shine into some of the awkward crevices of discontent.
I feel like there's this huge internal battle between the different parts of me. The self that desires, the self that dreams, and the self that thinks are all at odds. And it creates these strange, emergent emotions that I can't put into words.
And I claim them as my own. I accept my inconsistencies and my tribulations, and I strive to make myself better out of pride for the person I know I can be. I can take solace in the knowledge that the person I am know is the precursor to somebody I want to be.
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